Why not try Jesus? Only God can fill up your empty
being. All is not lost, there is still hope and future!!!
I need to get my life off my chest. About me. I'm a
46 year old banker and I have been living my whole
life the opposite of how I wanted. All my dreams, my
passion, gone. In a steady 9-7 job. 6 days a week.
For 26 years. I repeatedly chose the safe path for
everything, which eventually changed who I was.
Today I found out my wife has been cheating on me
for the last 10 years. My son feels nothing for me. I
realized I missed my father's funeral FOR
NOTHING. I didn't complete my novel, travelling the
world, helping the homeless. All these things I
thought I knew to be a certainty about myself when
i was in my late teens and early twenties. If my
younger self had met me today, I would have
punched myself in the face. I'll get to how those
dreams were crushed soon.
Let's start with a description of me when I was 20.
It seemed only yesterday when I was sure I was
going to change the world. People loved me, and I
loved people. I was innovative, creative,
spontaneous, risk-taking and great with people. I
had two dreams. The first, was writing a utopic/
dystopic book. The second, was travelling the world
and helping the poor and homeless. I had been
dating my wife for four years by then. Young love.
She loved my spontaneity, my energy, my ability to
make people laugh and feel loved. I knew my book
was going to change the world. I would show the
perspective of the 'bad' and the 'twisted', showing
my viewers that everybody thinks differently, that
people never think what the do is wrong. I was 70
pages through when i was 20. I am still 70 pages in,
at 46. By 20, I had backpacking around New
Zealand and the Philippines. I planned to do all of
Asia, then Europe, then America (I live in Australia
by the way). To date, I have only been to New
Zealand and the Philippines.
Now, we get to where it all went wrong. My biggest
regrets. I was 20. I was the only child. I needed to
be stable. I needed to take that graduate job, which
would dictate my whole life. To devote my entire life
in a 9-7 job. What was I thinking? How could I live,
when the job was my life? After coming home, I
would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following
day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the
following day. God, I can't remember the last time
I've made love to my wife.
Yesterday, my wife admitted to cheating on me for
the last 10 years. 10 years. That seems like a long
time, but i can't comprehend it. It doesn't even hurt.
She says it's because I've changed. I'm not the
person I was. What have I been doing in the last 10
years? Outside of work, I really can't say anything.
Not being a proper husband. Not being ME. Who am
I? What happened to me? I didn't even ask for a
divorce, or yell at her, or cry. I felt NOTHING. Now I
can feel a tear as I write this. But not because my
wife has been cheating on me, but because I am
now realising I have been dying inside. What
happened to that fun-loving, risk-taking, energetic
person that was me, hungering to change the
world? I remember being asked on a date by the
most popular girl in the school, but declining her for
my now-wife. God, I was really popular with the
girls in high school. In university/college too. But i
stayed loyal. I didn't explore. I studied everyday.
Remember all that backpacking and book-writing I
told you about? That was all in the first few years of
college. I worked part-time and splurged all that I
had earned. Now, I save every penny. I don't
remember a time I spend anything on anything fun.
On anything for myself. What do I even want now?
My father passed ten years ago. I remember getting
calls from mom, telling me he was getting sicker
and sicker. I was getting busier and busier, on the
verge of a big promotion. I kept putting my visit off,
hoping in my mind he would hold on. He died, and I
got my promotion. I haven't seen him in 15 years.
When he died, I told myself it didn't matter what I
didn't see him. Being an atheist, I rationalized that
being dead, it wouldn't matter anyway. WHAT WAS I
THINKING? Rationalizing everything, making
excuses to put things off. Excuses. Procrastination.
It all leads to one thing, nothing. I rationalized that
financial security was the most important thing. I
now know, that it definitely is not. I regret doing
nothing with my energy, when I had it. My passions.
My youth. I regret letting my job take over my life. I
regret being an awful husband, a money-making
machine. I regret not finishing my novel, not
travelling the world. Not being emotionally there for
my son. Being a damn emotionless wallet.
If you're reading this, and you have a whole life
ahead of you, please. Don't procrastinate. Don't
leave your dreams for later. Relish in your energy,
your passions. Don't stay on the internet with all
your spare time (unless your passion needs it).
Please, do something with your life while your
young. DO NOT settle down at 20. DO NOT forget
your friends, your family. Yourself. Do NOT waste
your life. Your ambitions. Like I did mine. Do not be
like me.
Sorry for the long post, just had to get it out there.
I realized I let procrastination and money stop me
from pursuing my passions when I was younger,
and now I am dead inside, old and tired.
Source: http://www.sunnyskyz.com/feel-good-story/1233/My-regrets-as-a-46-year-old-and-advice-to-others-at-a-crossroad
